All You Mama

245 – Having everything does NOT guarantee success

Happy Friday Mama. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… having everything does NOT guarantee success. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

Are you one of those moms that likes to have all her ducks in a row, making sure she has everything in order before she makes the next step? Many moms out there wanted to make sure that they set themselves up for success in motherhood. They waited you know, till they had the partner, the house, the car, the income, everything. And when they had the kid, things still weren’t perfect. They had all the new baby gadgets, the Snoo, that swing… everything. But that doesn’t guarantee you success.

We live in a society of having. Having all of these material things, the car, the house, the kids, the partner, the newest gadget, the next, the biggest trends, whatever it is, and that is not going to guarantee you success. You can look at all these people that look like they have all the money in the world and things like that, they’re still not enjoying life. And you can also look at people that don’t have a lot, but they enjoy life to the fullest. So focusing on the haves does not guarantee you success. What we need to focus on is the being. Who do you want to be? Because those haves don’t guarantee success. But when you become the mom that you want to be when you become the person that you want to be all those haves kind of fall in place too.

Mama, your action today is to focus on the BEING rather than the HAVING. And now what does that mean? All right. So if you want to run a marathon, that is your goal. What you want to become first is a runner. How do you become a runner? You start running and when you become a runner, then you are the person that runs a marathon, and you have that marathon finish. So instead of focusing on the marathon, you focus on becoming the runner. Today I want you to focus on who you want to be and who you want to become. And if you don’t already please leave a rating and review for this podcast. Have a fabulous weekend and a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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Mama’s Daily Dose

Meghan Q Barrett is Mom Success Coach and Connector who helps mamas create a life they love as “mom” AND an individual without the mom guilt. She connects mamas from all around the world so you can share your stories in a safe, supportive space.

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244 – “(there is) a degree of anxiety and guilt in mothers that is unparalleled in history.”

Welcome to quote Thursday, and I have a quote that comes from the book, Ordinary Insanity. And the quote comes from Psychologist, Dr. Shari Thurer. And she is referring to the tension that exists between expert advice to moms, and also saying at the same time that being a mom is supposed to come “naturally.” And it is, “(it creates) a degree of anxiety and guilt in mothers that is unparalleled in history.” Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted.

We live in the safest world in history, people are living to super long ages, we have all these medical advances, you can track your kid wherever they go on their phone, yet there is more anxiety and fear in moms than more than ever before. So get this: we live in the safest world that we have ever lived in, yet there is more anxiety and fear in moms than there ever has been. You would think that with safety, anxiety would come down.

However, what has happened is there is this big distance between saying, “hey, moms, you know what? This should come naturally. You do as you do you know the best.” And being like, “There’s all these experts over here, you need to listen to every single one of them. Okay?” This is how the kid sleeps. This is how the kid eats. These are the milestones that they’re supposed to reach. So there’s this big distance between Hey, Mom, you’re supposed to know best and it should come totally naturally. You shouldn’t have to overthink it. This is easy stuff. And no wait, you need to listen to all these experts to in order to do it correctly. So that’s where all this anxiety comes in.

We have a wealth of information on the internet, you can go google how to do anything with a kid and you will get all kinds of responses, responses that complement one another, and responses that go against one another. And that becomes so anxiety provoking, because there’s all these choices now. And now you have to make even more choices. And you just don’t know what if I make the wrong choice? Am I supposed to listen to that expert over there? Or am I supposed to listen to myself because it’s supposed to come naturally? I don’t know because I’m being told the same thing on both sides. And that is where this extreme anxiety and mom anxiety has become the norm for many moms.

Mama your action today is to look at yourself as the expert. Like we’ve talked about a bunch you know you the best and outside of your kids. You know your kids the best. It doesn’t matter if people say this should come naturally or you need to listen to the experts. Listen to yourself. You have that mom intuition for a reason. And you know you and your kids best. And if you don’t already give me a follow on Instagram @MeghanQBarrett and have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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243 – How mom anxiety has become the norm

Mama’s Daily Dose is… Mom anxiety has become the norm, not the exception. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

I have yet to meet a mom that has not had some kind of anxiety come up since having kids. I mean, as moms our brains actually change where our baseline anxiety level is higher… like this is scientifically proven that it’s not just you, it is actually your brain. And we all have our own anxiety provoking things. One is not more than the other. Like for me, the breathing, I checked my baby’s breathing all the time, I had so much anxiety, I would sit there. And I’d be like, Okay, I gotta go check it if I don’t. Now, if I wait 30 More seconds, I could be too late, I’d be in the middle of washing dishes, my hands were so wet and soap everywhere, I would stop the water, dry off my hands to go walk in and make sure that my baby was breathing because I was scared that he would stop breathing. Some people are afraid to drive or afraid to have their kids climb things. It’s all these different triggers are different for moms. But most moms have some kind of anxiety. And whether it is clinical or not. What has happened is it has become so normalized in our culture, that it isn’t an urgent need. It’s not urgent in people’s minds to help mom anxieties, because this whole culture of “why risk it?” and “better safe than sorry,” is totally accepted. But what that does is it just creates more anxiety in moms more pressure on moms. And when that fear and anxiety in moms becomes normalized in our culture, it’s very difficult to get the help that you need and the help that moms need because it’s like, “hey, that’s just being a mom, moms worry.”

Mama, your action today is to note down the times that anxiety or worry pop up, maybe make a list in your phone. What are these events that are kind of like triggering those emotions? When are you using those phrases like “Why risk it?” or “better safe than sorry?” If we can figure out the source of where that anxiety and that worry is coming from, then we can work on minimizing it and working through it. So today note down those times that you’re feeling a little anxious and worried and what caused that. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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242 – How mom anxiety is like reliving a drunken night

I Don’t know about you, but I had a few handful of drunken nights back in college. And what I found after having anxiety as a mom…stick with me here, there is a link… is that recounting my episodes of anxiety are very much like recounting a drunken night from back in college. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… how mom anxiety is like reliving a college drunken night. Let’s get movin before we get interrupted.

Okay, So picture this. You wake up after a fun night with your friends, you’re all sitting around eating your breakfast burritos (at least that’s what we did in San Diego) or whatever greasy food helps your hangover. And you start recounting the drunken night from before. And you’re like, super embarrassed by some things. But it’s also like really compelling. You’re like, Okay, this is interesting. I’m in this plotline. I see how I could keep going that way. It’s super embarrassing. But I keep going there. And then you know what, I’m probably going to do it again next weekend.

And that was a lot like recounting my anxiety, when I would go through the stories or tell my husband or my therapist, or whomever, I would say, “I felt super crazy in the moment. But I kept going with it. It was so compelling.” I was a little embarrassed to admit how long I would stick on this subject. I would think that my husband got in a car accident. So then I would have to pack up my kids. Do I take them to the hospital? Do I drop them off at a neighbor’s house? What am I going to do? Do I bring the pump? Do I bring my baby with me? And everything just seems so logical. But I also felt crazy. And recounting it. I was like, I mean, that’s kind of embarrassing that I spent that much time on that. Kind of like my drunken night in college. It was a little embarrassing some of the things that we did, right? But I did them again. The next weekend, I would go do those stupid drunken things. And then the next day, I would go through and go down that rabbit hole of anxiety too, because they are also compelling. Those stories, they keep you engaged, no matter how gruesome or embarrassing they are.

Mama, your action today is to recount one of your drunken escapades from when you’re younger. Not really. I mean, you can do that. It could be fun, or super embarrassing. The real action today is to accept those anxieties and those worries, they are compelling, because they soothe us. In a weird way you can be like, “Meghan, No, this is crazy. This is not helping me!” But it does soothe you kind of in the way that a pacifier can soothe a crying baby or toddler. It is there to protect you. It is a protection mechanism. And accepting that and accepting that anxiety is something that is just trying to protect you is the first step to healing. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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241 – Monday MamAffirmation: It’s okay to NOT be okay

We are continuing our month of moms’ mental health awareness. Last week was all about bringing awareness to anxiety and depression since it was Anxiety and Depression Awareness Week. So I hope some of those statistics and stories really brought some light to both anxiety and depression, as well as just made you feel like, “Hey, I’m not alone, like this does happen to a lot of moms and a lot of parents.”Honestly, I think you will be hard pressed to find a mom that has not gone through a difficult time in her parenting and mothering journey, and Mama’s Daily Dose is… a Monday, MamAffirmation: it’s okay to not be okay. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

Mental health illnesses affect so many moms, about one in five moms will have some kind of perinatal mood disorder. So that includes during pregnancy as well as the postpartum stage. In addition, a UK study found that 68% of women that seek mental health services are mothers. So the one thing to realize in this is that we are not alone. You are not alone. Being a mom is hard. It’s very mentally taxing. It’s physically taxing. And it’s emotionally taxing. And it’s okay to admit that this mom thing, it’s hard. And it’s okay to admit that you are not okay. Because when you recognize those emotions and those feelings, that’s when you can start to heal. If you try to push it all down and you’re like, I’m a Mom, I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be stoic. I’m supposed to, you know, just keep it together for my kids. That’s when things get stuck down there and then all of a sudden, they explode one day and you’re like, “where did that come from?” And it came from not being able to admit sometimes that you’re not okay. And is totally fine. Most moms out there are not okay, at some point. You are not alone. And it is okay to admit that you are not okay.

Mama, your action today is to repeat the MamAffirmation. It’s okay to NOT be okay. Sometimes as a mom, we don’t need a solution to our problems or to our issues. We just need to say, “hey, this kind of sucks right now. I’m not okay.” And that’s sometimes all you need. There doesn’t always need to be a solution to the problem. Sometimes we just need to come together and say that this is hard. And I’m not okay. So repeat it: It’s okay to not be okay. And have a great day free mama guilt because you deserve it.

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240 – What moms REALLY want for Mother’s Day

I want to wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… what most moms want for Mother’s Day. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

Here’s what most moms want for Mother’s Day, and just want in general, and you don’t have to go out to the store, you don’t have to stand in line, you don’t have to make sure you get it today so Amazon Prime ensures it arrives by Mother’s Day. All you need to do is validate a mom’s experience. Moms just want to be seen, we want to be heard, you want to be understood. You want to know that it is a safe place to express how you feel how you want to feel and just feel safe in who you are, and who you want to be. So that you can examine these fears and this anxiety. Because if we don’t feel safe in whatever space it may be, then all of those feelings stay in that darkness. And they fester. And they become fear and shame. And then if they stay in that darkness, they keep growing and growing. And the only way to shrink them is to bring them to light.

A mom really needs to feel comfortable, and feel that she’s not going to be judged. Because a lot of times as moms, we just need to say:

“this is hard.”

“This is not what I thought it was going to be.”

“I’m not the mom, I thought I was going to be”

“I think that I should be…”

And that comes with a lot of guilt. But it also comes with a lot of freedom to be like cool…I got that off my chest. But we all need that safe space that we feel that we aren’t judged. But our feelings and our emotions can be validated.

Mama, your action today is to share your story. Share your feelings, share your emotions, find that space where you don’t feel judged. And you can really share those emotions bring all of that shame and guilt out of the darkness, bring it to light and see that we’re all really connected, that your emotions that are that you feel are so personal to you are really universal to a lot of other moms. And if you don’t have that safe space or a space or person that you feel is non judgmental, write it down, grab a piece of paper and just bring it out because that is still bringing it to light. And that is a safe space there. Just write it down. You don’t even need to reread it or anything. You can rip it up, you can tear it up. You can have a bonfire, burn it safely. Just bring it out, share your story, share your emotion.

And if you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave a rating and review and share with your mama friends so that we can help all of our mamas bring this awareness to moms mental health and all lead the lives that we really want to in love our lives as mom and individuals because we all deserve that you deserve it. And your kids deserve it. Have a fabulous weekend and amazing Mother’s Day and I will see you on Monday and as always have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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239 – “What is most personal is most universal”

The human experience is one to be shared. The mom experience is certainly one to be shared, we come together, we realize we aren’t alone on our journeys. When we share our stories, and Mama’s Daily Dose is… a quote from Carl Rogers, “what is most personal is most universal.” Let’s get movin before we get interrupted.

Have you ever felt so alone in your emotions or your experience or motherhood in general, and then someone comes out or you see some video on Tik Tok, and someone is explaining your exact feelings, your situation, your emotions, and you’re like, hey, I feel even just a little bit better. Knowing that I’m not alone in this. Other people have gone through it, other people have gotten through it. And that is the amazing thing about humanity, what we think is so personal to us that we’re the only ones that have ever gone through, it tends to be the most universal things. When I had postpartum anxiety, I didn’t share about it. For the longest time. I was almost like shamed about it. Because this is supposed to be a time in my life, that I love the most enjoyable time I’m supposed to enjoy those snuggles, and my kids and I just, I couldn’t. And I felt guilty and shame. Because I was not enjoying every moment of motherhood. In fact, I was really not liking it at all. But then I started sharing my story. And all these people, no joke started coming out from random places literally all over the world saying, Hey, I felt that too. I understand what you’re going through, and you are not alone. So know that whatever your feeling your emotions, your situation is, you are not alone. Someone has walked that journey before and there will be plenty of people that walk that journey after you. But the best way to get that shame and guilt out of it is to bring it to light, shame and guilt live in the darkness the moment you start speaking about it, and you share your story and you bring it to light. You can find those connections and you don’t feel so alone.

Mama, your action today is to share your story, share a story, bring some connection, help another mom or someone else that may be going through something that you’re going through right now. Or you’ve already overcome. Share it on your social media, text it to a friend, do it anonymously on a Facebook group, however you want to do it, write a blog, share your story. It’s through sharing our stories that we become more connected, that we feel more connected, that we can help moms mental health because one of the first hurdles that you need to get over is knowing that you are not alone. That there is support out there and there are people out there that have gone through the same thing that you’re going through. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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238 – Where does mom fear come from?

Fear and anxiety: it is a real epidemic amongst moms. And if you didn’t listen to yesterday’s Podcast, episode 237, go back and go listen to it. I dropped some stats that are just ridiculous when it comes to parent’s mental health, and how this fear and anxiety feeds into that mental health. But there’s another emotion at play in this, which seems very far from fear, but is actually really close. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… where does this mom fear stem from? Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted.

When your baby is first born, and you get to hold that baby in your arms, for the first time, what is the emotion that most moms say they’re overcome with? It’s love. It’s like, I didn’t know that I could love this thing, this tiny thing I just met a couple moments ago, as much as I do right now. And what’s crazy is that love, the emotion of love, is not far off. From fear. Mom fear stems from love, you love this human being so much you would do anything for this human being. But that could be taken away in an instant. There’s so many things that could happen in this world, that this tiny thing that you love so much that your heart is bursting, can be taken away in a moment’s notice. And that is where this fear comes from, is that we love something so much. And we don’t know how much time we have with them. We don’t know what’s going to happen to them. We don’t know we can’t control all of these things. So stemming from our love, is all of this fear. And all of these fears in the unknown around us. That turns into anxiety. And we hold on to this anxiety because of our love.

Mama, your action today is to see how love and fear coexist and start accepting that they live together. That because you love something so much. There’s going to be fears associated with it. If you didn’t love anything, if you were pretty nonchalant about everything, you wouldn’t really have those fears. But our children and our lives are so important that we love them so much that there’s so much fear. So these two emotions exist together. And we have to learn to accept both of them and sometimes it’s fear sometimes it’s love and a lot of times it’s both together. And if you don’t already give me a follow on Instagram @MeghanQBarrett and that is Meghan with an H. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

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237 – There is an epidemic amongst moms

Even though the world is scary, out there, and there’s a lot of unknowns, we live in the safest world there has ever been in history, people are living the longest they have ever lived in history, there’s all these advances to keep us around, and to keep us safe. Yet, there is still so much fear and anxiety out there. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… there’s an epidemic amongst moms. Let’s get moving. Before we get interrupted.

Raise your hand, if you have felt more fear and anxiety since becoming a mom. Over here, I’m raising my hand up high. And that that’s an evolution thing, right? That’s to keep us alive. That’s to keep humans to keep going. If we didn’t have fear and anxiety, we would be stepping in front of buses, and trains, jumping off buildings, because we are not fearful that something’s going to happen to us. We would think we’re going to be around for everything. So this fear does serve a purpose. However, in moms today, it’s this all consuming fear that creates this intense, intense anxiety. Day in and day out.

There’s some crazy statistics that I am going to share with you these statistics really paint a picture of how much anxiety really can take over a mom and parents lives in general:

About 15 to 20% of women experience mood disorders before or after birth. So that’s about one in five moms.

In 2016, there was a study done at the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK. And it found that 68% of women, and 57% of men that have mental health problems are parents.

And this statistic is crazy, because mental health not only affects your well being, but also the well being of the economy and culture and society as a whole. And a 2014 study called the “Costs of Perinatal Mental Health Problems,” found that during the perinatal period, which includes before and after birth, mental health problems carry a total economic and social long term costs to society of 8.1 billion euros. That’s $8.74 billion. For each year of the birth in just the UK, alone. The US has about five times as many people as the UK. So if you take that into account, you’re looking somewhere around $40 billion per year, it is costing our economy and our society, because parents have mental health issues. These statistics are showing that it really is an epidemic for moms and parents in general, that these mental health issues are not only costing our parents and our children, but the society and economics of the world. In general. This is a big issue that doesn’t get the attention and the resources that it really needs.

Mama, your action today is to make a change on a small scale. Yes, I would love to see big huge changes and mental health care, especially mental health care for moms, but it’s not going to happen overnight. It’s going to happen with those little changes kind of like how we talked about little by little, those changes are going to compound and add up to a lot. So your action today is to check on a mom a friend, check on her do an EMC emotional mental check in with text, call her, ask her in person, just check in on her and see how she’s doing. These little actions that we’re going to take just checking in on our friends checking in on the random mom at the grocery store are going to compound and make a big difference for moms mental health over the long term. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Meghan Q Barrett is Mom Success Coach and Connector who helps mamas create a life they love as “mom” AND an individual without the mom guilt. She connects Mamas from all around the world so can share their stories in a safe, supportive space.

Book your Confident Mama Session

236 – Monday MamAffirmation: I am NOT a label!

Happy May, Mama! There are so many things going on this month, May is a Mother’s Day. This week, the first week of May is Anxiety and Depression Awareness Week. And the whole month of May, is Mental Health Awareness Month. So wrap all those into one. And this month on Mama’s Daily Dose, we are focusing on mom’s mental health. And to start it off, we have a Monday, MamAffirmation. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… I am not a label. Let’s get moving. Before we get interrupted.

As humans, we love to label things. We like to label things. So like we know what they are. And we can be sure we can have that certainty. So maybe growing up, you were the sporty kid, or you were the Smart kid or the Crafty, creative kid or the musical kid, you have this label on you. And what we do is we tend to live up to those labels that either others put on us, or we put on ourselves. And this creates a lot of issues, especially with mental health. If you label yourself as I am depressed, or I am anxious, you tend to live into that. But you aren’t depressed, you aren’t anxious. You aren’t the sporty kid. You have depression, you have anxiety, you play sports, they’re all a part of you, but they don’t define you. You aren’t that label. Even mom, you are a mom, that is a label that is part of you. That is not all of you. There’s all these other facets to you and who you are because you are you. So don’t succumb to just one label. It is part of you. It doesn’t define you. It is part of you.

Mama, your action today is to repeat the MamAffirmation: I am not a label. I am not a label. There are so many sides to so many things. You are not just one thing. Anxiety does not define you. Depression does not define you. Being a mom does not fully define you. You are you and don’t let these labels that either others put on you or you put on yourself, define who you are and who you want to be. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Meghan Q Barrett is Mom Success Coach who helps mamas figure their sh*t out so they can create a life they love as “mom” AND an individual without the mom guilt.

Book your Confident Mama Session