All You Mama

255 – So many resources for kids…what about moms?

Happy Friday Mama, I do go on a little rant coming up here, just to give you a bit of a heads up. But you know what anger and emotion also bring about change, and Mama’s Daily Dose is… there aren’t enough resources for moms. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

There are so many resources out there for babies and kids…everything, like you can teach her baby sign language, swimming lessons, music lessons, gymnastics, baby guitar, I don’t even know. But there are millions of resources out there for our kids. But we often leave moms out of those resources. There are all these books, social media posts, courses, and all these things on how to raise the most well adjusted baby. But they leave the mom out of the equation, everything is focused on the baby. But when the mom makes changes, that reflects on the baby, as well.

And this is reflected in scientific research. It’s awesome that they’re doing more studies on postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and other mood disorders. But if you look at a lot of them, most of them are on the effects on the baby. I was trying to look up a lot of scholarly articles on postpartum anxiety, and all the research and studies that they’ve done on them. And the majority of them that are done are done on the impact to the child. So with a mom having anxiety, what is then, the impact on the child. Instead of the mom having anxiety, what’s the impact on her and her child, because once again, when the mom makes changes, that goes down to the children as well.

And even more when we’re talking about mental health, most of mom’s mental health is screened by your child’s pediatrician, which I think is mind blowing, we get one six week thing, okay, you’re good, you’re good, go have sex, go workout. Alright, that’s it. And all the rest of them you do at your child’s pediatrician, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not super comfortable talking about like, my anxiety or my mood and things with my child’s pediatrician, I’m they’re worried about my child and worried about my child’s health, not about my mental health att that time.

When you become a mom, your focus shifts, it shifts to your children. But we also need to be looking out for the moms. Because if we look out for the moms, if you take care of yourself as a mom, then you can better take care of your children. If we take better care of moms as a society, then all the kids are going to be better taken care of, we won’t need to do all those studies on the impact of anxiety on kids, because we’re focusing on the impact of anxiety on moms, so that they can have the resources and the help that they need for them. Because they need to heal to in order for their kids to heal. And if we’re just focusing on the impact on the kids and healing the kids, we’re missing the main player in this. And that’s moms. And that’s moms mental health.

Mama, your action today is to make a small change with mom’s mental health. I know I’ve said this before, we’re not going to have this huge societal, medical system change overnight. But we can help one another. And check in with another mom today. That emotional mental check in, EMC. Just be like “hey, how’s it going? Like, REALLY… How is it going?” And just be there to listen to another mom. Or if you need that, voice it to someone else because they could be standing there and being like, “Me too. I know. This is really hard.”

And if you feel so inclined to help a little more, either monetarily or with your time. Check out Postpartum Support International and Climb Out of the Darkness. Climb Out of the Darkness is a walk that you do with other moms and families to bring awareness to perinatal mood challenges and help end the stigma for moms mental health and help moms to get support, bring them together and share stories. We may not change how many visits that we get postpartum, right away or our access to mental health resources. But we can start making those small changes that will create something big. Something is always more than nothing. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Meghan Q Barrett is Mom Success Coach and Connector who helps mamas create a life they love as “mom” AND an individual without the mom guilt. She connects mamas from all around the world so you can share your stories in a safe, supportive space.

Book your Confident Mama Session

254 – “Kids have a way of taking everything you swept under the rug for a lifetime and pulling it out…”

Happy quote, Thursday, and this quote came from a conversation I had with a friend, and I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t super emotional until the past couple years, like, I couldn’t even really label most of my emotions, and I didn’t enjoy talking about my emotions. But there’s something about being a mom, and your children, bringing out these emotions in you, and showing these things to you that you may not want to deal with…but kind of need to. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… “Kids have a way of taking everything, you swept under the rug for that for a lifetime, and pulling it out and saying, ‘here it is, look what I found.'” Let’s get moving. Before we get interrupted.

You know, those difficult emotions or situations or experiences that you weren’t, like, totally ready to process, you may not really want to look at them, and you’ve just like, swept them under the rug for decades? And you continue to do so. And then all of a sudden, your kid’s like, “Hey, look at this under the rug, Mom, look at this!” I mean, it’s like your kids can’t even find their missing shoe, but they find all of these emotions and traumas that you’ve never dealt with. And now you’re staring face to face with them, while you’re still looking for that damn shoe!

And kids just have this way of pointing out the emotions, and the memories that we have stuffed way down and tried to avoid. Really, there is no bigger mirror of you and your life than your children. And we all have these emotional traumas, they come in all shapes and sizes. And there are ranges of traumas. The best definition I’ve heard of trauma is anything that leaves you saying, “What the f just happened?” And everyone is worthy of healing. Your trauma may not be as “traumatic” as another’s. But nonetheless, it can wreak havoc on your life if you keep brushing it under the rug, and trying to avoid it. And then your kid keeps saying, “Hey, Mommy, Mommy, look at this, look at this, you should probably deal with this… look at it.” And you’re like, “No, no, let’s put that back under.” And they’re like, “Ah, here you go.”

And you don’t need to compare. We’ve all been through something in our lives. And we are all worthy of healing and support. And you are worthy of healing and support. You are worthy of taking those things out from under the rug and dealing with them in a way that is healthy for you and your children.

Mama, your action today is to look at your kids, and what do they keep pulling out from under that rug? Because once again, the biggest mirrors in our life are our kids. Has your kid ever said something or done something you’re like, oh my gosh, that’s me. That’s where they learned it from. And if they are consistently pulling out that same thing from under the rug, it may be time to take a look at it. And if you need that support and you need that help to process through it. Once again, take a look at Postpartum Support International or contact a local mental health professional that can help you through that. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

253 – “Terrible things could happen, but I refuse to live in constant fear.”

In the month of May, we’ve been focusing on mom’s mental health. And a big part of that is anxiety, and worry, and all these risks and everything around us that we can’t control that brings up all this anxiety that can lead to depression and other mood disorders and other mental issues that a lot of moms have. And this week, we’re focusing a lot on fear and risks. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… “I refuse to live my life in constant fear.” Let’s get moving. Before we get interrupted.

You can choose to live your life in constant fear. There are so many risks. And there’s so much going on in the world today that you could spend your whole day analyzing those risks, asking yourself, “What if?” “Better safe than sorry!” On Monday, we talked about, how you could quit your job, and spend all of your time analyzing the risks on how you could die until you actually die. Or you can choose to acknowledge that there are risks out there. There are some scary things out there. And you choose to live your life.

It’s not a “but” they exist together. In her book, “Ordinary Insanity” Sarah Menkedick says, “I am making this choice, because I believe in myself. And nothing is without risk. Terrible things could happen, but I refuse to live my life in constant fear.”

Those risks aren’t going away. The fear is not going away. But if you believe in yourself, and you have that confidence in yourself, you can continue to live without that constant fear, knowing that the risks still exist, AND choosing to live your life.

Mama, your action today is to sit down and ask yourself, if you want to live in that constant fear. Because as soon as you make a choice, to not live in that fear, you can start acknowledging that those risks are there. And you can still live your life and not live within those risks. And if you need help with this, please reach out to a medical professional, or a mental health professional that can help you with this. They have tons of tools to help you move through that. If you aren’t sure where to start, check out Postpartum Support International. I will link them in the show notes too. They have a bunch of free resources, a 1-800 number that you can call and also a number that you can text and lots of local resources as well.

In fact, they are doing a big worldwide event coming up in June called Climb Out of the Darkness where there are walks all around the world of people coming together to bring awareness to moms mental health and how to climb out of that deep hole of anxiety or depression or whatever mood disorder disorder you may be suffering from or you have suffered from. So check that out. That’ll be linked in the show notes as well. It’s going on in Raleigh, on June 25. I will be taking part in this walk for the first time and I am so excited Postpartum Support International puts this on and is the 10th year anniversary as well. So I will link all of that in the show notes. And if you’re not local to Raleigh, as I said, there are ones worldwide. So see if there’s one near you. Or you can start one too, and have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

252 – What makes risk really risky

Yesterday, we talked about how there are risks in life and acknowledging that there are risks, and then choosing to live your life, even with those risks existing. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… what really makes a risk, risky? Let’s get movin before we get interrupted.

Okay, let’s say you’re watching the news. And first there’s a story about a house fire. Then there’s a story about someone with leukemia. And then there’s a story about someone that got murdered. Now, which one do you deem as the most risky, or riskiest? Not sure which one it is…but which one is the riskiest? there was actually a study done on this at Stanford University on students. And they found that the fire story, raised the risk estimate by 14%, the Leukemia story by 73%, and the murder story by 144%. Now, do you think it is more likely to have a house fire or to get murdered? It doesn’t actually have to do with the likelihood of a situation that makes us gauge it as a risky or not.

This study found that it is largely due to your emotions, and murder strikes people’s emotions in a way that fire and cancer, just do not. And that emotional resonance that you have with that story, makes it riskier, because it stirs up these feelings. It’s that wiring in our brain that stamps this emotion, to a situation. And that gets in the way of our intelligent thinking. We think that we’re making all these decisions, and we deem this as risky, because that’s the intelligent way to think about it. In fact, it’s really your emotions, and what that risk or that situation or that story really stirs up in you, if it has that emotional resonance, you are going to find it far riskier than something else that is probably much more likely to happen to you.

Mama, your action today is to think of something that you might be a bit afraid of. What’s a risk? What’s something that’s super risky out there, that you are afraid of? And what is the emotion attached to it? Not like the reasonable thinking like what are the statistics that this is going to happen? But what is the emotion that you have assigned to that? Why is it so emotionally pulling? Why is that emotion drawing you in there that you are so afraid of it? And if you don’t already give me a follow on Instagram @MeghanQBarrett, and have a great day free mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

251 – Monday MamAffirmation: I know there are risks AND I choose to live my life

Mama last week, we talked a little bit about the “what if” culture and constantly going down that rabbit hole of “what if” And there’s another one that you hear a lot when you’re a mom, and you’ve probably said it too: “better safe than sorry.” But what if “Better safe than sorry,” really isn’t safer. And Mama’s Daily Dose is a Monday, MamAffirmation: I know there are risks, and I choose to live my life. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

Better safe than sorry? I know I’ve said it. You’ve probably said it, or at least heard someone say it. But what if that better safe than sorry, really isn’t safer, because then you are focusing on all the risks around you, rather than focusing on living your life. And yes, there are risks, there are some serious risks around us. But if you focus all of your time, and energy on those risks, you’re missing out, on really living your life.

There are so many risks out there, that we could spend all day, every day, analyzing the risks, and what could happen. In the book, “Ordinary Insanity” they talk about how moms are focused so much on the risks, and it’s really ingrained in us in culture, to look at the risks starting with pregnancy. You’re worrying about Turkey, about salmonella about riding in a car, what exercises you should and shouldn’t do. And they cite journalist Dan Gardner in his book, “The Science of Fear.” And he says, “If an independent thinker really wishes to form entirely independent judgments about the risks we face in daily life, or even just those we hear about in the news, he or she will have to obtain multiple university degrees, quit his or her job and do absolutely nothing but read all about the ways he or she may die until he or she is actually dead.”

Yes, there are risks. There are bad things that can happen. But do you want to spend your time and energy analyzing each and every one of those risks? Or do you want to live your life and not just choose to live your life, but enjoy life? I know there are risks AND I choose to live my life.

Mama, your action today is to repeat the MamAffirmaiton: I know there are risks AND I choose to live my life. You are acknowledging that yes, there are risks. The world is a little scary out there. But is that where you want to focus your energy? Or do you want to focus your energy on enjoying life and enjoying what you have right now and what is to come? And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

250 – The “what if” culture is fueling your anxiety

There was a phrase I found myself saying a lot more when I became a mom. And even more as a mom with anxiety, and Mama’s Daily Dose is…The “What if” culture. Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted?

What if? What if this? What if that? What if this? What if that? Do you find yourself saying what if a lot more, even if it’s just when you’re talking to yourself and questioning yourself? And I found that that is what started a lot of my anxiety and a lot of those trips down that rabbit hole. What if there’s a fire? What if my husband gets in a car accident? What if we all get COVID? What if my car breaks down… all of these different “what if” scenario. And then I spent the time going down there continually continually asking what if.

And it is totally normalized in our culture, to have all these “what ifs.” To constantly ask what if? What if? What if, what if, what if what if… but what happens is we are spending all this time and energy on these What ifs! When… What if that “what if” doesn’t even happen?

Mama your action today kind of wraps this whole week together of what we can and can’t control and worry and anxiety and bringing things to your consciousness and being aware of them. And today, what I want you to do is be aware of when you are thinking the “what ifs” or when you say “what if.” Say, “there’s that what if again, there it is.” You don’t have to do anything about it. You can keep going down that hole, but bring awareness to “there’s that what if” in order to make any kind of change. If we want less anxiety, if we want less worry if we want to be happier, we want to have more fun…we need to bring what we are currently doing into our consciousness, we need to be aware of the things that we are saying and the things that we are doing because if we aren’t aware of them, we’re unable to change them. So bring that awareness and have a fabulous weekend and a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

249 – “crazy, but totally sane” How Postpartum Anxiety Feels

Yesterday, we talked a little bit about the difference between mom worry and anxiety and how it is such a blurred line. And when I had postpartum anxiety, the one thing that I always said was, “I felt crazy, but totally sane” and Mama’s Daily Dose is… “I felt crazy, but totally sane.” Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted.

There’s one side of the street that is careful, attentive, loving parenting, and then you can crossover just a little bit and on the other side is anxiety and obsessiveness. And it can be easy to get over to that anxiety, obsessive side without even realizing it. But then once you get on the other side of the street, it’s like this mad traffic rush and everything’s going on. And it is so difficult to make your way back over to that loving side, because you are just stuck on the anxiety and obsessive side, because there’s too many trucks going by, nobody is stopping for you you’re trying to run across. But you’re just not able to.

And that’s a lot how I felt with anxiety, I was not able to cross back over that street, even though I was aware of my thoughts, and that I was going down this rabbit hole again. And I felt totally crazy for going further and further and further down. But at the same time, it’s like I felt so sane, because it all made sense. All of these steps made sense. And that’s what can be extremely difficult about anxiety. Because there is a positive side to anxiety, it comforts you and being able to think that you have that control over it and map all of these things out. But once you’re on that side of the street, and all these cars are whizzing by, it is so difficult to just cross that street again, out of the anxiety, no matter how crazy I felt in the moment. Even in my consciousness, like unconsciously I was going down this hole and all of a sudden, I’m like, Meghan, what are you doing? This is crazy. But you know what it actually does make sense too. The positive side of anxiety is that comforting feature because it does help you in the moment, even if for just a small period of time, it is helpful for you, your brain is trying to protect you once again, your brain loves you. Anxiety is a way for your brain to protect you a bit. And no matter how crazy I felt, I still felt like it was helping me a bit. And that’s what made it very difficult to get out of the anxiety, to get back on the other side of the street, with all of that traffic whizzing by

Mama, your action today is to bring some of the unconscious thoughts to your consciousness. For me to really work on my anxiety, the first thing I had to do was just become aware of it and bring it into my consciousness that when I started going down that rabbit hole, I’m like, “oh, there’s my anxiety again.” And bringing it to my consciousness. Because if I just kept going down that rabbit hole and letting my unconscious basically take over there, I’m not able to make a change. I had to bring awareness, bring it to my consciousness in order to change it. So your action today is to bring that unconscious to the conscious. If you start going down that rabbit hole if you start worrying about something that you can’t control, anxiety starts to set in – say, “Hey, there’s my anxiety.” Just being able to name it and be aware and conscious of when it occurs helps the healing process. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

248 – Is it Mom Worry or more?

So, moms worry, we know that when you have a baby, you worry more, right? You got to take care of this tiny human. But how do we know when it’s mom worry and when it’s more? And Mama’s Daily Doses is… Is it mom worry… or more? Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted.

I posed this question to my therapist, because I really didn’t have an answer. I’m like, you know, I know I worry more as a mom and I just have more responsibilities. But how do you know when you cross over that line of mom worry, and anxiety? Because it is it is so blurred. And before I was seeking help for my postpartum anxiety, I just thought like, Hey, this is normal. I have two kids. Now, I got a lot more going on. This is just This is what life is.

And I think she gave a very great explanation for it. And she said, “it’s when it starts taking over your life, your everyday life, when that worry isn’t just every once in a while, that it’s impacting your everyday life.” It could be impacting your time with your kids, it could be impacting your relationships, your sleep, your work, all of these things; when it starts bleeding over and really affecting your life. If all those worries are starting to pile up, and really affecting all the other areas of your life, it may be time to get some outside help. Talk to your doctor, your midwife, a mental health professional, and they can help you sort out if it is worry, or if it’s more. Because if it’s more than just mom worry, you can get that help. There is help out there for you. There’s often this stigma that moms need to be strong, we can get through it, we can do anything. And yes, you are all of those things. But you can also get help.

Mama your action today is if you are concerned at all about your worries, or your temperament or your mood, talk to somebody reach out to a mental health professional. There’s Postpartum Support International, they have a free 1-800 Number. If you just Google them online…you can ask your midwife, your doctor, so many places that you can reach out to for help because there are people out there that want to help you. We all want to see you thrive and be the best that you can be. And have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

247 – Your Mom Brain on Postpartum Depression (PPD)

It’s hard to lock down the exact percentage of moms that have postpartum depression, because there’s a lot of moms out there that don’t know it and don’t seek the help or are unable to get the help that they need. But it is estimated around 10 to 20% of moms will experience some kind of perinatal depressive episode; and perinatal is again, during pregnancy as well as postpartum. And I have much more experience with anxiety. I was never diagnosed with depression. I think that through my anxiety, I did have some depression in there. But I have been doing lots and lots of research into this because I find it so interesting on what is actually happening in your brain, when you have anxiety and depression. And Mama’s Daily Dose is… your Mom brain on postpartum depression. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

Disclaimer, I am not a doctor, nor am I a mental health professional. However, I have done a ton of research on this because when I got anxiety with my second son, I’m like, what is happening? Like why does it happen to some women? Why does it happen when they have some babies and not when they have others. And so I just did a deep dive into the brain science behind a lot of this in the brain science in moms… and I find it absolutely fascinating.

What’s interesting is in postpartum depression, what they found is the mom’s amygdala basically, shuts off. And your amygdala is your emotional processing center. So it processes all of your emotions, compassion, love, fear, sadness, and it prioritizes fear. So what happens is basically, mom’s amygdalas are a lot more lit up than those that are not mothers. So your amygdala is working so hard. There’s all these fears, there’s all this stuff going on, you got to keep this baby safe, we have to do all of these other things. And it just, there’s so much going on that it just it shuts down. And they found in postpartum depression, a lot of moms’ amygdalas are not lit up anymore, like those without postpartum depression, show that they are lit up more than non-mothers. So what’s happening here, it’s kind of like, when your kid turns on the light in your car, and you don’t know about it. You close the car, you go inside, you make dinner, you get on with your life, go to sleep, wake up, go to start the car in the morning, you’re turning it over. Nothing’s happening. You’re like, what the heck. And you look back and in the backseat, that light is on. The light was kept on so long that the battery ran out. And that’s what happens with mom’s amygdalas in postpartum depression, is that it is on for so long and it is on so high that it needs a break and it just shuts down.

Mama, your action today is to realize, like the amygdala, if we’re working too hard, we all need a break sometimes. Otherwise, we’re going to fully shut down. So today I want you to take one minute on something that you can do to give yourself a break, something that you will enjoy so we don’t hit that shutdown phase. So take a nice one minute break today and have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session

246 – Monday MamAffirmation: I CAN control some things, others….

We are continuing moms mental health month in May. And today we have a Monday, MamAffirmation, and Mama’s Daily Dose is… I can control some things, others are out of my control. Let’s get moving before we get interrupted.

There are some things in this life that you have control over. And there are far more that you do not have control over. And I feel like this is one of the biggest lessons that a lot of moms learn right out the gate, especially for my type A mamas like me that like to have control over situations. We learn very quickly, that we do not have control over everything. And this comes down to our brains. And basically, your brain loves you, your brain wants you to survive. And that is why it prioritizes fear and often this fear comes from things that are outside of our control. And that fear is where that anxiety comes in too, because your brain wants you to live, there’s a bunch of things going on in that world. But in order for you to survive, your fear needs to be prioritized, so that if you see a little puppy in the road, you don’t just run into the road and grab the puppy, that fear makes you stop and look both ways before you go and grab the puppy out of the road.

Sometimes this prioritizing fear does not work to our advantage in our modern times. And we start worrying about things and having anxiety and worrying about a lot of things that we actually cannot control. And one of the first things that really helped me with my anxiety was just looking at the things in my life that I CAN control and that I CAN’T control. I made a list of all the things that I worry about, that bring about anxiety on a daily basis, and I listed them all out. And then I looked at the ones that I can actually control or that I have some control over bringing that awareness and bringing it into my consciousness on all these things that I worry about, that I really don’t have control over, started the process of me being able to let those things go. But you can’t do that until you bring it to your awareness, until you realize those things in your life that you can control and those that are just out of your control.

Mama your action today is to grab a pen and paper or grab that phone and make a list of all the things that you worry about on a daily basis. The things that bring about anxiety in your life, and then go through and what are the things that you can actually control? Or what aspects of it can you control and which ones are simply out of your control. And if you don’t already give me a follow on Instagram @MeghanQBarrett and have a great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Book your Confident Mama Session